Bishie - Short for bishounen, a guy so pretty other guys can't resist him either. BL - Japanese term for Boy's Love. Considered Yaoi Lite. DDR - Dance Dance Revolution, a game where you stomp on floor buttons and impress everyone else with your MAD DANCING SKILLZ IRCFiesta - A group of people in the irc channel #comicfiesta who have been online so long we have no idea what clean jokes and sensitive issues mean anymore. Seiyuu - The horribly talented Japanese who voice our favourite anime and game characters. Yaoi - Mangafied gay pr0n. 9000x more appealing than actual anything.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
In which I tell you about my day.
Listening to: Trusty Bell OST - Motoi Sakuraba, Frederic Chopin
Today was my last day at Haematology. I went WOOHOO.
Then the bench senior mumbled something about bone marrow. I thought she wanted me to go stain the bone marrow slides, so I went to check up on them. She yanked me back:
"I said go collect the bone marrow samples."
I'm sorry I can't hear you because your voice is drowned out by the machines and you can't be arsed to speak louder. =__=
So I picked up the bone marrow kit (slides, formalin, empty blood tubes, biopsy needles, lots and lots of tissue paper), and trod off to the wards.
In the haematology department, technicians are in charge of collecting bone marrow samples. We meet up with the doctor, then go to the patient. The doctor will either knock the patient out, or administer local anaesthetic to the area only (in this case, about 15 mls of anaesthetic jabbed into your spine). Then they stick the [trephine] needle in and draw blood (a [lumbar puncture]). The technician (yours truly) uses the blood to make thin smears onto about 18 slides or so. This has to be done immediately because the blood will clot and then it'll be useless. Finally the doctor uses the needle to extract a piece of bone marrow, which I then use the bloody bits to make 2 more slides before sliding the bit into some formalin so that another department can make some MORE slides for the doctor to look at. I wonder how do they stare at all those slides without going blind or developing a nervous tic/squint, really.
Different doctors obviously mean different patients. Today, I attended to 4 samples by the same doctor.
The girl gets a room all to herself, which is probably for the best since the place looks like her second bedroom. A stalk of plushie flowers at the bedside, lots of colourful striped beanbaggy pillows, a grey teddy bear propped up next to her pillow. I ask her mother if I can move the containers of cereal and food from the table to put my stuff. The food's been there for so long that ants were swarming under the tupperware.
I go to the bathroom to fetch wet paper towels to wipe the table. The sink is cluttered with bottles of shampoo, liquid soap, sweet-smelling stuff; I stretch my hand to reach for the dispenser. Turning on the tap, I try not to knock anything down.
A large green duffel bag stuffed with clothes sits under the table. I move it away and find a 20-cent coin and an animal cracker behind it. The mother apologizes - it's only been a month, but it feels so much longer that the mess has become second nature. I smile and assure her it's no trouble.
Doctor enters, and the mother (and presumably grandma) leave. We put away the blankets, the beanbaggy pillows, and put the girl to her side. Doctor notices the large bruise on her right side, and tells the nurses to flip her over - he's already worked on that spot. He needs an unbruised area.
All the anaesthetic in the world does nothing for the girl; before the doctor can apply the antiseptic, her hand sweeps to her back, trying to swat a nonexistent needle. The nurses assure her the needle's not in yet, she'll be knocked out before that happens, it won't hurt really struth swear to great lallapalooza, but I'm sure she knows that's a lie - if grown-ups cringe and tense when the needle enters, you can damn well bet it won't hurt any less for her.
Even though she's knocked out, I see her eyelashes twitch.
It's not every day you get to see a bald 1-year-old baby. I keep wondering if she got her head shaved or something, since she's got bits of hair on her head.
Doctor waves to her. His eyes smile, since the mask hides his face. Baby stares at him, but raises an arm. It looks like waving, it must be!
The nurses coo, but it doesn't stop her from screaming her lungs out. The nurses pull out a catheter from underneath her shirt to administer the anaesthetic, and she won't stop. I almost catch her screaming "PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN" in chinese, but I'm sure I'm wrong - I don't know mandarin after all. Baby stretches her arm for her mummy. Mummy grips her hand and its little pudgy fingers until the anaesthetic finally kicks in. Gawd I never thought the screaming would end.
I peek between two large nurses - that baby's eyes are open. It's just not moving. Much. It takes a lot of effort to take blood from a baby; so much so the baby finally stirs. Doesn't help the needle is STILL INSIDE. Baby goes "wheh wheh". The nurses clamp down on the baby, reassuring it. Last thing you want is the baby to start going nuts when there's a 4-inch steel cylinder in its spine, I guess.
Entering the Cancer Ward is a whole new experience - you get the feeling the staff are being happy for the sake of being happy because there's no point depressing everyone else further. While finding the children's day ward, the staff are all smiles and chirpy. The patients though, are another matter; they sit on their beds, staring at the ceiling/wall/you. No amount of greeting them politely helps. If they're not malingering too much about their doom, they might nod at you, but they're not going to smile. Stories about cancer survivors/people being smiley? Ever notice it's seldom a group of happy people? Yeah.
The children's area is yellow - little cartoon wizard mice parade in a marching band across the blinding yellow walls. A tv showing Gummi Bears is suspended so high above I can't hear a thing. I wish I could, because then I wouldn't have to hear 4-5 kids screaming PAIN PAIN PAIN MOMMY I'M SCARED DON'T GO AWAY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY in full dolby 5.1337 h4x0r surround sound. Maybe in a parallel dimension, it would sound like Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody, but I'm not putting money on it.
The kid (9 years old) looks healthy - he's got a round face! Bald, but healthy and pink! Though I think the pink is from the amount of yelling he does when he pleads to his mum to please not have to go through this. Doctor pops by and checks up on the boy - he's pleased the swelling has gone down.
The nurses administer anaesthetic, the kid screams, then mellows, then mum goes away. Third time and it's almost routine. Doctor's taking a long time processing things, so the kid just lies in bed and...keeps quiet. Five minutes ago he was screaming his lungs out in 4 different languages (Bahasa Indonesia, Hokkien, English, Mandarin), and now he's just staring at me with a "watcha looking at punk?" face. I swear, kids hate me; I must've eaten children in my past life or something.
When the nurses turn him over, it's not hard to notice the black cancerous tumour at his scrotum. Men all over the world wish for balls that large, though in a more natural, healthy, safe manner.
This kid lies in a bed across from Patient #3, is 3 years old, and has really happy parents. Either he's been in treatment for so long it's second nature for the Doctor and the parents to talk about the kid's treatment like it's a school timetable or the parents are coping in their own weird way. Part of me wonders how much all this is costing them. Obviously they can afford it because they're not on the papers begging like common paupers, but how much work does the father put in? Does the mother work, or did she quit her job to monitor the kid full time? If the dad's accompanying his son on a weekday afternoon, does he own his own business so he can take time off, or did he have to take an extended lunch break? How long have they been doing this that they can be cheerful? Is it a front? Are they tearing up inside when their son cries because he's dreading the pain but they can't because they don't want to and need to be strong for their son? Are they just optimistic their son will be better? I really really really want to ask, but I need to take the samples back to the lab.
Before I leave, I ask the nurse if it's hard for her to be stationed there.
Nurse: Yes, but you have to get used to it. Otherwise you can't work. Me: How long have you been working here? Nurse: Eight years.
In which it's easier to vent here than LJ, but that's just me.
Listening to: Steamboy OST - Steve Jablonsky
So anyway I got a job, and have been working in a hospital for the past 1.5 months or so.
It's considered normal for anyone to ask how's work - I ask people
how's their work, common courtesy and niceties and
conversation-starters and all that. The problem is these days when
anyone asks me how's work, I shrug and say the same thing:
If you're wondering, no, it's not a good thing.
See, people *want* to talk about work - they like to talk about how
their day went, good or otherwise. They want to tell people about the
funny stuff or about the sucky colleague who keeps pinching your
paperclips. They want to talk about the people they meet, the things
they do, the oddities they see.
Save for my parents and Doris, I don't even talk about working life
anymore after the first week of work. In my parents' case, I keep it
brief because I don't want them telling me to "grow a spine" again
after I was a nervous wreck of insecurities three weeks before work
started and made a mistake of telling them about it.
One day after several "S'ok"s, Kelly caught me online and asked, "So, truthfully, how is work?"
I said, "S'ok".
Why is it so hard for me to tell people anything more?
One would be how far my world has drifted from everyone else. They're
all at the last chapter of Odin Sphere, I'm struggling to finish
Gwendolyn's story because work requires me to have at least 6.5 hours
of sleep and I'd rather spend my nights checking net stuff and making
pointless ranty blog posts like this. Same thing with work - how many
people can I talk to about erythrocyte sedimentation rates
and not have to explain the whole damn process and finer points before
getting to the punchline, and by then everyone's forgotten the whole
joke? Cranky doctors not getting their parking lot because orientation
is having a training session there?
many people would understand the insecurities of being expected to know
how to stain bone marrow aspirates despite only having three weeks of
haematology in uni? The frustration of staring at results desperately
trying to interpret the finer points of high/low platelet counts and
the correlation to Large Unidentified Cells? The pressure of having to
pick up the standard procedure of each bench in a month when the only
colleagues who can help are unhelpful? When Doris came back for two
weeks, I spent a day just pouring 1 months' worth of ranting to her
because I didn't have to explain much. We'd just compare notes on
procedures, and the joke would continue.
Secondly is my fault of being deluded long enough to think this was what I've always wanted.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy lab work (hell I enjoy hospitals) - but I
don't feel *happy*. I don't wake up every day going "oh boy today is
going to be fun!" because colleagues are MUCH nicer to students on
attachment in a day more than they'll ever be to me. I spend weekends
in cinemas at climactic battles with a sinking feeling knowing that the
movie will end and I will have to wake up for work the next day. If not
for being buried in work 8 hours a day, I'd spend every other hour
staring at the other hospital I turned down and wonder what would my
life be if I'd picked them instead, or what if I bit the bullet, went
for a writers' course and tried to jam my foot in the literary world
(like what everyone thinks I SHOULD have done seven years ago). People
who work 5 days a week going "oh noes tomorrow's monday" get no
sympathy from me because I work Saturdays, a half-day where I work more
than the entire week.
The first person I ranted to replied:
"Aiyah, working life is like that lah, isn't this what you wanted?"
Years of working to that goal, and now I'm not so sure.
Which comes to the third reason I don't talk about work:
I don't want to hear, "grow a goddamn spine" every time I open my mouth.
I hate whingers. We all hate
whingers. We tell whingers to sit down shut up and take it like a man
instead of sounding like an emo loser.
The first time I was genuinely
frightened about this, my dad told me to stop whinging. Mum told me to
stop whinging. People I thought I could talk to told me to stop
If there's nothing lovely to say, best to say nothing right?
When people read this, they'll
pat me and say it's ok we understand. They don't. They *won't*. These
are people who told me after my first week that I'll be OK and I'll
enjoy it and I'll learn fast; they've also thrown away all knowledge of
lab work never to use it again, or never spilled a tube of blood on
their hands and smeared blood on all and sundry trying to clean up the
mess. If an engineer or a computer programmer came and told me all
and insecurities, I wouldn't get their situation either - and I'm
honest about it. Don't say you can "try" to understand because "trying"
to understand requires 2 years and several thick textbooks, something I
haven't done well either.
In the end it's easier to say
"S'ok" and hope that people get sick of my answer soon enough to
realise it's pointless to ask when they've already got a stock answer
printed in their head. You want to hear the good things? Well here you
go, I'm sorry it's such a boring answer, but that's my job in a
History loves men leading in short skirts with horses (Alexander the Great), men leading in armour with horses (The Crusades), men leading in turbans with horses (Saladin), men leading in nifty uniforms with bomber airplanes (Hitler)...
...history loves men, full stop. Whether this means history is homosexual is up for debate, but anyway.
[The Spartans] of Greece were leaders. Born and bred to fight and win or die trying, their culture would be remembered for their track record in winning a lot of battles. You gotta hand it to them - sure they violate human rights, but try finding a modern army who fights like them. Terrorists? [Viet Cong]? Pssht, they have to hide in holes with guns to score a hit, and that's if the bombs and mines don't hit the enemy first.
So first up, they fight like real men - they face the enemy, ready their shields, and have actual fighting strategies that involve charging into the enemy and beating the crap out of them. They lead like men. They are the very epitome of manly men. History loves men who lead right? Sure they do, Tolkien likes men who lead! Command & Conquer players dream of being men who lead, how else can we explain the RTS genre explosion!
So we got the history who loves the Spartans, the culture of loving the Spartan way, the badass Spartan fighting, all that's left was:
[Frank Miller]: Okay I want to make a story about the 300 Spartans at Thermopylae....history's got men in short skirts, turbans, uniforms...I know, I'll have the men in blinding red SPEEDOS! Nobody's thought of that one yet! I r genius! Bwahahaha!
Thanks a lot.
See, we can handle men in short skirts - who liked seeing Brad Pitt's ass in Troy? How many men got calf envy from seeing those muscular bronzed Greek legs? But in 300, these men bare more.
Needs more manboobs.
Let's reiterate, they're muscular and barechested. No crime in showing off a toned body, but there's a reason why people fear speedos - it shows off more than you need to see.
In this case we probably never wanted to guesstimate how well-endowed these men were or how muscularly perky their manboobs are, but THERE THEY ARE and you have no choice but to look because if you turn away, you're better off not watching the movie at all, really.
Good thing the pectorals don't ripple during the action scenes! Oh wait.
Epic pectorals are epic.
In case the title doesn't spoil the plot enough or for some reason you missed out on every single 300 parody the internet has to offer despite never watching the movie, the Persians want Sparta to surrender, and [King Leonidas], king of the Spartans screams the plot every 5 minutes (in case you forget). You can't miss him, he's the bearded guy in the trailers who keeps screaming, "THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!". If you missed that, you were probably staring too long at his speedos, twit.
The rest of the movie is dedicated to the Spartans fighting the [Persians]. It goes like this:
Spartans: THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! *AHWOOGA! AHWOOGA!* *they run down hundreds of Persians* Spartans: TONIGHT WE DINE IN HEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!! *they run down hundreds of Persians, then die*
Somewhere in the movie there's also King Leonidas' wife who's a badass in her own way, but nobody cares because they're all hypnotized by the bouncing pectorals (and speedos) of MANLINESS.
Yes, 300 barechested speedoed men, an effeminate God-King, and a limbless harem girl (don't ask) can only mean this is a MANLY MOVIE. MANLY MEN charging into battle, MANLY MEN wearing speedoes and baring their MANboobs as the biggest symbol of MANLINESS, MANLY MEN fighting and killing and making MANLY noises, MANLY MEN at war! MANLY camaraderie, slapping each other on the back and looking out for each other! MANLY MEN of MANLINESS fighting a MANLY war with MANLY honour and MANLY CG effects! It's all about MEN of MAN of MANLY MEN!
And if you think that was purely heterosexual, then by god, you are one HECKUVA man.
I say this because not one guy I know who watched the movie is straight anymore. For hours they gush about Gerard Butler and his bearded charisma shouting SPARTAAAAAAA and how it arouses them. Their hearts pound furiously against their chests as the experience of the thunderous roar of three hundred spartans pushing and heaving and groaning under the pressure and strain of the persian army, never relenting, never resting, seeps into their loins. They gaze at the determined faces, the expression of raw grit in the face of adversity, and say "I want to be like that."
Most importantly, they come out of the theatre clutching their eyes and scream "OH GOD THE GAYNESS" and proceed to blame all the girls they know for the suggestion that the movie is nothing but blatant gay propaganda. Thank heavens they weren't naked like in the comics; there may be no such thing as a straight man after that, let alone anyone who can follow the spartan ideal. =__=
If you're male and you looked at this pic, you are now gay.
So...How is it?
It's an entertaining movie.
It's not a bad movie - once you realise that the director's vision is to turn the movie into a frame-by-frame replica of the comic, the only thing left to do is to sit down and see how well the hojillion special effects translate to real life. Don't bitch and rant about the inaccuracies of the actual battle, because that's not it. The director says read the comic book, you do the sane thing and bitch that Frank Miller is inaccurate, not the movie.
This is a case where the actual movie isn't half as interesting as the [ridiculous] [photoshopped] [pictures] because SPARTAAAAAAAAAAA is the new catch phrase. Need quick money? Yell THIS IS A BANK ROBBERYYYYYYYYYY and kick down the doors! Claiming custody case? Scream I AM THE CHILD'S FATHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and kick down the courtroom, running out with the kid! Telling your date your plans for the night? Just say TONIGHT WE DINE AT [insert restaurant here]; you know everyone will love your Spartan badassery for LIFE.
So....movie good, music good, manly manboobs disturbing, parodies better, but it's a good way to pass time with a few friends.
At least it's MUCH better than Pathfinder, stupid waste of... =__=
SPARTA DESECRATION HOUR!!!! GAME: GOD OF WAR 2
Shortly after a movie about 300 manly Spartans was released, Sony released a game about one manly Spartan. It's like saying "so what, you got 300 Spartans? We only need ONE, beat THAT nyahnyahnyah!"
Pity their one Spartan is such an idiot.
Once upon a time a pissy emo Spartan named Kratos became bitchboy of Olympus as thanks for making him so badass. However, he's so pissy that he kills everyone and everything without any conscience. As long as he benefits, it's perfectly ok! ^__^b
By the end of the first game (which I never mustered enthusiasm to play), Kratos becomes the God of WAR (not to be confused with RAW, though he'd make a great wrestler).
So ok he's got women at his feet, he's got power, he's a friggin GOD, maybe he'd stop being pissy eh? Fat chance, he walks right out of Olympus and becomes Kratoszilla as support for his fellow Spartans until Athena reduces him to normal size and has him fight the Colossus of Rhodes.
Later, Zeus sucks Kratos' powers away and leaves him to die. However, now-mortal Kratos is too emo and pissy for death, and claws his way back to the mortal world to fly to the sisters of fate and reverse his fate.
Along the way he will learn that he is NOT the goddamn Prince of Persia and running and jumping and graceful grappling should be taken out of the third game in lieu of a better blocking system.
Kratos is a hulking mean-spirited Spartan. He rescues hapless translators just for the sake of making them translate a few words then pound their heads into the ground to make them bleed to death for a sacrifice. He carries around two blades connected by a large heavy chain. He attacks a minotaur 3 times his size by snatching the beast's weapon, beating them with it, jamming his weapon into its chest, then pulling them onto the weapon, impaling them.
Why then would the programmers make him swing along a series of grappling hooks and force him to make jumps he doesn't look like he can clear without countless tries of precision timing and screen-staring? Why give him a gigantic viking hammer to beat things up when it's so slow I get knocked off in midair? Why give him gliding wings when the ability to block mid-attack would be better?
Consider these two scenarios:
1. Kratos pulls back a spiked battering ram from a gate. As the battering ram inches towards the gate, Kratos runs into the passage, pulls a lever, then must button mash to open the gate before he is impaled! This requires accuracy and button-mashing to escape before the battering ram impales you. Repeat for an hour.
2. Kratos pulls down a lift to get to the bottom. Skeletons attack him and stall the lift. He needs to beat up the skeletons and pull to the bottom before the lift's spiky ceiling impales him. Since Kratos is the sort where once hit he's a punching bag for ages, a swarm of skeletons swarm him and there's not enough time to pull away from the ceiling and WHAM he's dead again. Repeat for an hour.
The worst is after a certain amount of deaths, they ask if you want to go to easy mode. Hello people, I am not in trouble because your enemies are hard to kill, I'm in trouble because your constraints for testing my reflexes are LUDICROUS. Add to the annoyance of being mobbed once one hit connects and I'm only killing them brutally because I want it over with, not because I'm enjoying it.
Here's a hint to the developers: YOUR SPARTAN IS WEIGHED DOWN BY ANGST AND VIOLENCE. USE THAT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE, DAMMIT. Don't make him fly and glide and climb and jump and grapple and hang and dodge and prance and skip, leave that for when you have to press a series of buttons to cause dramatic damage. Give me more parts where Kratos will block when I hammer BLOCK and then counter with my combo of DOOM! Don't give me that nonsense about having to block THREE consecutive gorgon stares and dying because Kratos doesn't block as fast as I tell him to!
Kratos is NOT, and will never be the Prince of Wallrunning Persia. If I wanted to play a game where a character dodges attacks by prancing around while comboing enemies in midair, I'd play Devil May Cry. If I wanted to miscalculate a jump and fall into a ledge without the game patronizing me, I'd play Prince of Persia. When I want to play Slaughterfest Spartan Edition, that's where YOUR stupid game comes in. I don't want to dodge and tiptoe and fly, I just want to kill and smash things with the occasional button minigame and you're not letting me do that!
This doesn't even start on what's really wrong with the game: I see no appeal in Kratos at all.
First he's not satisfied that he's a god, then he's not satisfied with people screwing him over, then he angsts that he's been wrongly treated and Olympus wants to screw him over, boo hoo hoo. Meanwhile I'm thinking "Hello if you weren't so hung up on thinking Olympus owes you NONE of this would have happened!" because it's true - the entire story stems from Kratos' inability to stop being pissy emo and crying to the skies that it's all Zeus' fault. Dante gave the finger and went with the flow, and at least the Prince of Persia blames himself first because he knows it's his fault; Kratos' idea of setting things right is throwing an injured soldier into a bone-crushing machine to open a new area for HIM to waltz through. How benevolent!
Assholic Kratos is assholic.
Penny Arcade said Kratos killing all those Greek myths and legends are epic; Shadow of the Colossus was more epic than this, and the guy didn't have to yell "I WILL REND YOU FROM THE DEPTHS OF HADES" (or something) all the damn time.
Hey Kratos, you ever heard of karma? Here it is ripping you a new one!
So...How is it-
*RIP* STUPID GAME. =___=
The 3rd game had better redeem him (what idiot turns back time to beat up Zeus some more instead of just reconciling with his past?) with better controls and less stupid MANLY twitch action gaming, or Kratos stays in my "characters whose necks I'd gladly break" list.
After that, I played KINGDOM HEARTS 2. SORA is more badass than you, stupid emo Spartan!
My dad enjoyed the story though, so I guess if you're still remotely heterosexual after 300 you'll like the story. Men, what weird beings you are indeed.
In which I behave like a brat for a while, indulge me.
Listening to: Sanctuary - Utada Hikaru
I'm now officially jobless for 3 months. If you didn't know, well...now you do!
I have been growing extremely reluctant to leave the house and socialize. It's like a metamorphosis into a hikikomori that it's somewhat fascinating and scary at the same time.
There's a reason: I'm sick of fielding the same question over and over again.
"Have you found a job yet?"
See, life delights itself in being hopelessly difficult to me. Interviews don't happen all the time; The only time I struck gold was when one place called me less than 24 hours after submitting my application, otherwise the fastest people call me back is after a month...or two, after I've waaaay forgotten that I even submitted an application, and for what job.
It's understandable if you haven't seen me in 6 months and the last time you heard from me was from my last workplace; asking every time we speak on MSN is not. Neither is the excuse "I'm just interested in your life", because it's emotionally tiring and it's not a nice to go to bed feeling useless and guilty because everyone's gainfully employed or having money and being able to support their parents as opposed to, you know, not having any. Your mum gets pissed and calls you a retard for sitting down and enjoying Kingdom Hearts 2, there's no call from anywhere you've gone for an interview for 3 weeks, and you're more afraid of being accepted because that means you're going to rearrange your life to accomodate career, and being free on Saturdays becomes a luxury than a necessity.
The other day I went back to collect my last paycheque, and one conversation with weird gaijin people went like this:
WGP (weird gaijin person): How've you been? Me: Good. WGP: Gotten a job yet? Me: No. WGP: How nice~
Of course it's nice to kick back and not worry about work and get bored reading Newtype USA day after day, but the fear that money runs out and that you're wasting time when you could be wasting time earning a living pops out, and it never stops. The pressure is always there even when people innocently ask "have you found a job yet" as if all you need to get a job is snap your fingers, tada there's your interview and contract and whatnot! These people I especially want to strangle and pulverize, because my experience with job hunting is completely different from yours, and it is a difficult and painful road just to do what I want to do as opposed to what I could do.
All the ranting, and it comes to one answer I've learned: When I get a job, I'll let you know. Believe me.
And believe me, you WILL know.
The next post will allegedly be post #200, I'm a bit at a loss at what to write to commemorate it. Your choices are:
Spartan Desecration Hour (300 + God of War 2)
Kingdom Hearts 2 Desecration
Code Geass Desecration
Help me decide by writing in the comments section. Comments, not tagboard. Have a nice day!
A werewolf girl sees her family brutally murdered and runs to Romania where she lives with her chocolatier aunt and has to marry the pack leader against her will. Being a witty loner, she hangs out in an abandoned church and meets an American artist (played by a Brit actor) researching wolves. The pack takes this as a threat and decide to take him out.
But that doesn't mean werewolves are evil, nooo. They need to hunt once a month to fulfil their instinct so they grab the worst of human felons and chase them down for the thrill of the hunt. Plus they do society a favour! When they transform into wolves, the visual effects people go nuts and pan the camera 360 degrees and close-up for 5 minutes before turning into a wolf. It's pretty, really.
The problem is the story is crap - angsty girl opens heart to guy, it's Mary Sue fiction brought to life. The girl even transforms into a white wolf because she's SPESHUL. To make things worse, the writers couldn't decide how to end the movie and wrote 3 endings for it. First it looks like she's dying, but that'd be sad so the guy rescues her. Then she overcomes her killing instincts in 10 minutes, but that leaves too many plot holes, so they have wolves coming after her. Finally she goes she-rambo and machineguns and kicks everyone and drives away with her beloved (who was so out of character for a while it wasn't funny).
The upside? There's plenty of guys to look at. There's the pack leader for people who like older men, the quiet sensitive boy, and other miscellaneous fun-loving prettyboys just looking *pretty*. The only reason you would want to see this movie is for the cute guys, really.
For the guys...you can stare at her nipples.
Otherwise, don't bother unless someone's paying for your ticket.
AKA "Eomer Annihilates Some Orcs".
Vikings invade America, white boy with identity crisis overcomes and saves native americans. White boy becomes honourary red indian, rar.
The movie really does portray Native Americans as helpless putzes - a group of rampaging indians run into a deathtrap, prolonging the movie by an hour *headdesk*. The white guy only gets the girl because her fiance carelessly died while the Vikings look like a cross between the Mongols and the Colossi from Shadow of the Colossus. I was thinking "I paid RM10 for this?" and glaring daggers at Tuna during the credits.
At least I get clearer shots of the guy than in LOTR...but still.
Unless your transport expenses are paid for, don't bother; you're better off watching LOTR again.
3. Music & Lyrics
The movie opens with an 80s music video. There is questionable video quality, bad hair, bad clothes, plastic faces, New Kids On The Block style, loudtastic synths.....if you don't get the joke, you're not an 80's child. I was too young during the 80's, but I remember those videos vaguely.
Alex Fletcher, ex-pop group teen heartthrob (and awful songwriter) is 20 years older, making his living entertaining now-30something women who were his hardcore fans. Suddenly, he needs to write a song for pop princess Cora in 3 days to propel him back into fame. It's a good thing his substitute plant lady is good with words otherwise there'd be a song going, "you can call me a perv, i just want a way back into love", and we'll all know the movie won't end well.
The show itself is very predictable - boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets back girl - but it redeems itself with a witty script and parodies of the music industry. Hugh Grant does his best impersonation of Simon Cowell; Avril Lavigne's songwriter loves writing emo songs of RAGE and hates anything mainstream and mushy; blonde ditz idol (see Britney) Cora's concert desecrates a religion better than Salman Rushdie can ever do - you're supposed to laugh, and it shows.
Even then, the music is catchy and sticks in your head - I came home and immediately got the OST, that's how good the songs are. It's a feel-good romantic comedy that shows a bit of the realities of a has-been and how hard it is to climb back to the top.
It might not be worth full price, but do try to catch it - the credits is worth staying back for. XDXDXD
It's still disturbing to see Hugh Grant sing and dance and shake his hips though.
Overfreeness is not a word; please don't use it in your essays.
Requested by Victor:
MOVIE DESECRATION HOUR: CASINO ROYALE (spoilers ahead, be warned)
We have a problem with this review: due to bad subtitles (what is a "royal space flash three"?) and general mumbling, I have no idea what the hell happened, so I'll go about this the best I can.
There's James Bond, who shoots first and brutally murders second. He's hotheaded and broody and never smiles and.....he gets beaten up a lot. The good part is that he has a pretty hawt body, so when he gets thrashed and recuperates, he gets a chance to show off his hawt body (dad says he's no better than Tarzan; at least James Bond only exposes his chest...most of the time).
Then there's this French guy they're after, some making out, some [free running] in Madagascar at great vertigo-inducing heights (exciting!), some destruction of international relations, then he makes out with some woman, and then James Bond goes on another frenzied car chase when he's supposed to order champagne, and then an explosion is averted, hooray! /(^_^)/
Then he meets this girl named Vesper Lynd (nice name) and they're supposed to act married in Montenegro. There's a poker game (I...THINK it's poker), more frenzied chasing/killing, this time with PYRAMID HEAD'S KNIFE OMGWTF, James Bond loses, James Bond gets poisoned (gasp!), and then James Bond PWNZ teh poker, w00t!
Then he gets stripped naked and gets his balls whacked with a carpet beater (ow >_O) as torture by the angry French guy, who gets shot by another guy...is it me or are the French always evil? First Kingdom of Heaven, then this...
Anyway suddenly James Bond is in a wheelchair, the guy from Montenegro gets tasered, James Bond shows off his hawt body again, he's off to Venice with Vesper and makes out with her, she takes some money and runs, ANOTHER frenzied chasing/killing scene, angst, and finally a bitter James Bond in a suit and a machinegun going "Bond, James Bond." Cue James Bond theme (duh duh DAAH duh duh DAAH tarataratara!), aaaaand the franchise restarts, paving the way to a new generation of James Bond fans.
...You know what, Wikipedia has a MUCH better summary than I can ever make, [knock yourself out].
So....how was it?
When I was a wee DMling my dad once took me to a James Bond movie. I don't know what title it was, but I think it had Sean Connery in it and then he was making out with the girl and then I told my dad I was bored and threatened to blow up the cinema when he whisked me out and looked apologetically at the movie usher (it was in the days when there were actual cinema buildings). I didn't care what the name of the movie was or how much the tickets cost my dad, that's how little I care for a worldwide-acclaimed spy franchise that has enchanted young boys and men for over 30 years.
James Bond and me in general don't go too well, and this one is no exception. I only watched Tomorrow Never Dies because Michelle Yeoh was in it, and so we had to see the hype (not that it was good anyway).
Casino Royale isn't exactly a bad movie, but I can never understand poker, so the whole poker game (which is the point of having CASINO in the title) and its suspense is lost on me. The free-running scene was interesting, aaaand one other scene touched me, and that's it.
Awwwww. Warms my goolies, it does.
I never got the story or the intrigue or the plot hole like who were the other bad guys in the end, and sadly I can't be arsed. I'd recommend it if you're a James Bond fan or if you like spy intrigue and action and gambling and hot girls or if you're a guy in general, but I don't think I could watch it again.
I'm SO glad the permalink is finally visible! I've been struggling with that stupid thing for two years! Many thanks to [Swifty] for the help! (^__^)/ m(_ _)m
This calls for a celebration!
MOVIE DESECRATION HOUR: AMADEUS (It's 3 hours long, I can't spoil the whole thing anyway)
A long time ago, it was very fashionable to wear white wigs that looked like you put a bomb in your hair, as KiDChan puts it. Bombed heads (her words not mine), colourful wigs, geisha makeup, boobs spilling out from tight corsetted dresses, pseudo Gothic Aristocrat clothing....it's 18th Century [Harajuku], if you ask me.
Spot the difference.
During that time there was a composer named [Antonio Salieri]. If you don't know who he is, it's OK. People who know their classical music will prolly recognize him as "the guy who was [Mozart's] rival", which is as close as it gets.
Salieri's full of remorse because he says he killed Mozart and they take him to a nuthouse after he attempts suicide, then a priest enters to listen to his confession, which brings us to the longest flashback in history. The original movie is about 3 hours, and you can actually see the progression of time in the room - it starts off in the morning, then the sun's more glaring in the afternoon, then the room dims at night, then early morning, then back to morning again. I don't know which to be more impressed at - the fact that the director actually thought of this small detail instead of leaving it daytime ALL the time, or the fact that neither character needed a toilet break.
Winter or no, you get dehydrated, you need to drink water to stay awake to listen to this old rambly guy, and you don't even need to go at least ONCE? The longest I've gone without a bathroom break is about 10 hours, and this guy's listening to a 24-hour confession. Then there's the old guy, who prolly needs to go every 3-4 hours or so, but there he sits and goes on and on...Power of God isn't cutting it for me, sorry.
See his face? He REALLY needs to go.
Salieri tells the priest about the first time he was so fascinated with Mozart the boy genius who can play backwards and blindfolded and write music like drinking water at an age when we were in Standard 1 and about how he started his dream towards becoming a musician as great or almost as great as Mozart.
Several years later, he meets Mozart for real and it all goes downhill.
Big colourful hair, showy clothes, rock idols....it must the 80s! 1780s, that is.
[Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart], contrary to portraits and impressions we've seen throughout our lives is...pretty much like IRCFiesta - loud, uncouth, dirty-minded, showy, and just plain nuts. The difference is Mozart is one man, so that makes him MUCH more offensive than a group of people with similar traits.
Salieri starts wondering WTF is God smoking - here's a musical genius who seems to be God's gift to music, a prodigy who writes great music all stored in his head, lyrical and compositional beauties, all of them; yet he's not even remotely pious and has worse social graces than the most brutish lout in the ghetto AND a damn annoying laugh to boot. It all reminds me of someone familiar.....
So Salieri eventually gets jealous of Mozart and plots his downfall as a way of getting back at God. He vows:
"Because you chose for your instrument a boastful, lustful, smutty, infantile boy and give me only the ability to recognize the incarnation...I will ruin your incarnation."
And so for the next 2 hours you see Mozart wreck himself with his pride and bad financial management and eventually kicks it. Just like how the Titanic sinks and King Kong dies, this isn't a spoiler - if he didn't die it'd be more disturbing, trust me.
And then Salieri calls himself a mediocrity whom everyone has forgotten - nobody plays his stuff, but everyone hums Mozart. Weird [Mozart figurines], [baby Mozart] CDs, Mozart sheet music reprinted and rearranged to fit every age demographic, it makes you wonder if it's worth being famous to have your name plastered over cheap gimmicks for a quick buck. Salieri? He doesn't have reprinted sheet music, but he gets a poem, an opera, a [play], and an [Oscar-winning movie] about him, I'd say he got the better end of the dignity stick despite allegedly murdering Mozart (which he didn't anyway).
Which now brings me to the point (finally!):
The relation of mediocrity
I read a review that we're supposed to relate to Mozart, the genius who eventually had everyone railing and defame him because he was SO good and the world eventually killed a genius who till today can never be replaced.
I think it's Salieri we're supposed to relate to.
Face it, we're not geniuses - none of us are. We'd like to think so, but we're not. Salieri in the movie prayed to God to have the same talents as Mozart as long as he remained steadfast in his beliefs and sacrificed all the joy in life for it and came up with good stuff, but nothing fantastic. Most of us are like that - we pray and pray that we become really good at the one thing we enjoy, be it science or writing or drawing or cosplaying or making mudpie sculptures, but end up playing second fiddle to someone who's miles better than us and does it with minimal effort. It's an unfair world, and the movie drives this point home.
However much we respect these geniuses, we still envy them and wonder why God why wasn't I given teh mad skillz and instead that asshat got all the good breaks. It's awful but natural to wish all sorts of bad things happened to them so that you can experience the same stuff they do. If they die you'll feel guilty, but we never think about it BEFORE they kick it right?
That's the worst about mediocrity - we work our arses off and the effort's swept away by the flood of genius and talent. For every Mozart and Shakespeare, hundreds and thousands of struggling musicians and writers don't get a short story to their name. When Salieri absolves mediocrities at the end, I feel melancholic pangs because there is no patron saint for it. Like it or no, your biggest sin was being born normal, and even if you climbed all the way to top, someone better can and will knock you down, and it takes nothing short of luck to get back there.
Deny or justify it all you want, but deep down it's true because you've been there.
So...how was it?
I despise playing Mozart's music.
Nothing against the guy, but he crams longass arpeggios and chords and scales that require either a fingering chart or skipping notes or screeching to a halt and playing that part really slow, and the erratic timing makes me want to remove my left hand so it can play independently while I concentrate on the right hand. By the time I'm done, a 7 minute-piece has stretched to 30 minutes, my hands and eyes hurt from squinting to read the notes, my parents tell me what a sucky pianist I am, and I'm cursing myself for wasting my life. Practice doesn't make perfect - I practiced [Rondo Alla Turca] for a year and nothing happened. Gah. >__<
Oh wait, you mean the movie.
It's interesting even though the movie was made in 1984 I don't feel the age, I don't get an 80s vibe (prolly because it's a period piece), and it holds up against modern movies without excessive CG. I suppose that's what make Oscar-winning movies what they are - you can watch it 20 years later and it doesn't feel dated. I wonder if LOTR or Matrix will give the same vibe when we're 40, that'd be nice to find out.
Then there's Mozart's music - this was written 300 years ago, and it doesn't sound boring or give me cold hives (see slow oldies). I'm saying that not just because I've been listening to classical music since I was a foetus, I'm saying that because there's a reason why people still insert pieces of Mozart into movies and ads and games - it's universally recognized, and that makes him and his music great.
Despite the historical inaccuracies up the wazoo and the fact that it's based on a play we never saw, it's a pretty damn good movie with pretty damn good acting, Mozart's damn annoying horse laugh included. 3 hours gone just like that, I never considered a bathroom break, and I'm still glowing from the experience.
Plus, you will never see Mozart this good-looking anywhere else.
...WHAT!? I know I've no taste in men, shuddap already! >__<;;
(Side note: Does anyone find it freaky that this and the kidchan pic above have the EXACT SAME POSE? Didn't realise it till I put up the pics, really. O_O)
lot of people have this impression that I like art movies and that
movies with crass slapstick humour and comedy disgust me. While the
latter isn't too far off, I don't exactly extol the greatness of art
movies either, so I wonder where people get that idea.
So I decided to live up to my reputation. Or something...I need to read more.
So this is an event in a pretty obscure place (took me ages to tell the security guard where I wanted to go),
and it's a screening of amateur movies by local amateur filmmakers. I
wasn't supposed to stay for all the movies since it was already 10
PM by the time it ended and the LRT closes at 11, but something made me
stay back and watch and hang out for the Q&A sessions, so I
figure it'll be nice to review all nine movies because I'm opinionated
that way. Plus you get to see some of the stuff yourself without
leaving home, lazy buggers. See what a nice person I am. XP
A girl goes to the moon to find her internet love in 15 minutes with
the help of Chinese moon legends and a cute nerd who tags along.
Seriously, the nerd is cute. o_o
So you have a girl who wants to
meet this guy she met on the net, except that he's in a foreign place
and she doesn't exactly know where to start, so off she goes wandering
in a surreal area of ballerinas and Moon Goddesses with flat acting and
red balloons all over the place that I think signifies love.
there's a storyline, and the music is sweet and touching and brings a
certain melancholy - it's like the poor nerd just tags along and there
she is all giddy and excited wondering what the meetup's going to be
like (haven't we all had that feeling?) and you really feel for the nerd even though he barely talks and the camera's more focused on the girl.
when I started thinking who was I supposed to root for, because as much
as the story's supposed to be about the girl, the nerd does so much for
her that...I don't care about the girl. I don't care if she eventually
did meet up with him or that she more or less confronted the Moon
Goddess, because in the end the nerd sacrificed what's important to him
for her, he gets insecure about the meetup and hides the directions she
needs to find Jaric (the guy she likes),
and he has to face the embarassing surreal moment of moon
ballerinas in a field of red balloons. It makes him so human he doesn't
even need monologues to get his feelings through. In that sense, the
movie is a bit of a disappointment since it lives up to the movie title
by disconnecting the girl from the audience.
2. "Taking Precautions" by Audrie Yeo
1.5 minutes of a woman taking great pains to hide her identity during a
private moment. Squeeble take note, an Ultraman mask was featured. =D
this woman takes out a mask before going to a public toilet, apparently
a social message about how technology always has a way of exploiting
The thing is when
the lady actually starts peeing, the screen blacks out, and the impact
is wasted. If you want to make a message about how technology truly
exploits women, why omit the part that actually proves it? If the guy's
already angling his spy camera into the toilet cubicle, he sure isn't
going to turn it off and wait until she's done. Maybe you don't want
the woman's identity to be revealed, so take camera angles that hides
the woman from us completely and credit the actress with a pseudonym.
It might be respectful to do otherwise, but the point is pretty much
Summary: Back and forth on the LRT from Kelana Jaya to Putra Terminal in one clean shot, set to music.
Someone should tell this guy the LRT has warnings not to put stuff at the front of the trains, really.
really meaningless - you sit in the LRT and go from one end to the
other, take the video and fast forward it, then take a second copy, set
it to rewind, and put both videos running concurrently, that's what
I like it.
I liked how the tracks just go on and on to Gombak that most of us never bother to see (because we all jump out at KLCC as if the train's gonna explode at the next stop),
I liked recognizing the landmarks we see in the distance along the
tracks, and I liked the perspective I never quite saw when I
sit in the LRT. Maybe because the actual train is so friggin slow
that seeing it move at 3x speed is SO COOL, but I just do.
4. "Lost and Found" by Roy Vimalan
Along with a step-by-step guide on how to steal shoes, it comes with a
short discourse on whether possession really is nine-tenths of the law
and why don't Malaysians use it to fuller effect.
a foreign student comes to Malaysia, gets his shoes stolen, and gets
pissed off like as if it never happens in China...or any Third
World country for that matter. Bunch of people are interviewed
on the relation of possessions to human rights (which seldom works because firstly you need to consider each item lost equally important and worth kicking a fuss about),
then a Sunway College hostel guard explains the procedure in recovering
lost items, and it is the single most hilarious bit. I paraphrase:
1. Lodge report 2. Check whether item stolen was a break-in or an inside job (so if the lock's not broken into....it must be an inside job! Kill your housemates!!) 3. Investigate people who have been entering your room in the past 24 hours (because EVERYONE is a suspect...even the guards themselves!) 4. ???? 5. PROFIT!
something to that effect. Apart from that it feels like something every
arts student must make in this country to increase credibility. When in
doubt, debate thy human rights, that be the motto.
Summary: There's a blind girl, there's a thief, and there's a twist! Not.
movie...is funky, in the sense that the backgrounds look traced over
actual stuff to give it a more kiddy-drawing style, but there's a lack
of depth, and when the thief makes a cup of milk for the blind girl,
the spoon doesn't even touch the cup, which just makes it look like
play-acting. Still, it's something different.
if only the STORY was something different. Blind girl has family angst,
a thief breaks in, OMG that's who the thief is, look at the regret on
his face! Look at her wide-eyed blind innocence and how it touches him
so! Look at him turn away from his life of crime and drugs, look at the
especially contrived act of him stepping on the syringe, symbolic
of his new path ahead!
the tripe, it KILLS. It feels like every other smarmy cliched Malay
drama they air on TV with the forced melodrama and I hate having to be
told what to feel. Probably the only movie that I actually didn't like,
6. "Aunty Wahid" by Umi Salwana Omar
Summary: 30-minute interview and a peek into the life of an unconventional transvestite.
one is pretty much the star of the screening - the disappointment of
the crowd when the organiser said the director wasn't attending was
The movie pwns - Aunty Wahid is the star, with enough screen presence for everyone to be fascinated at her. She (that's what s/he wants to be referred as)
speaks about her sexual experiences in a straightforward manner sans
dramatics, which have me imagining KiDChan screaming "BL OMG SHOTA"
(actually I imagined her screaming the whole time). It covers a lot in
30 minutes - a supportive family (shokku!), her pals (gay stereotypes bitching about gay stereotypes! Irony for the lol!),
her career as a fashion lecturer in Cenfad, a strange unwavering faith
in God, and just showing her as a person who's been there, done that,
and still standing strong.
suppose the movie can also bring the message that it takes strength to
stand up for what you are and be the better for it, but if you don't
see that, watching a 50+ year-old transvestite teasing the camera and
being so open with her sexuality is equally fun as well.
7. "This Sweet Refrain" by Fairuz Sulaiman
(it's the only video I'm bothered to embed because it's SO STUPID GOOD)
Summary: A karaoke music video! In deliberately crap pirated VCD quality too!=D
remember how every time you want to sing your fave song in
Yumekukan/Redbox you'd have to put up with some smarmy video of a girl
walking through some foliage interspersed with some bits of her
frolicking with a boy and a garden hose (not THAT way you dirty-minded
people) even though the song is Dir en grey's The Final?
Now take that image and bastardize it to hell. >)
it, a chubby guy in a LOUD shirt walking through KLCC park reminiscing
the good times he had with his fish-head girlfriend before she became
fish head curry with MS Powerpoint-type cheapo scene transitions in a
good satire is MUCH better than the usual stuff, no?
No? Screw you. >(
The song? I didn't hear the song at all - was too busy laughing at the video.
8. "Red Drawing" by Margaret Bong
Summary: There's Chinese Opera...and a boy...something something something.
biggest attraction was the little adorable cheeky boy who,
like all of us and our first experience with Chinese Opera, can only
recall the opening of the red curtain before it all blurs out
and it gets boring and we all just want to go home and sleep. x__x
least that's what I think the story is - the scenes are all over the
place. First there's a teacher marking books. Then she goes to school
and distracts the students by making them draw while she finishes
marking books. Then the boy plays a prank and pays for it. Then he
makes wire butterflies. Then the teacher walks by and then the movie
ends and I go WHAT? Apart from a scene where teacher says flowers are
red means flowers are red (a jab at our education system!), I don't see
the relation between each scene, and the director had to explain the
point herself for everyone to understand, not good. =(
Summary: Somewhere in Sentul, a bunch of houses get demolished.
while all the demolishing and house-toppling is going on, the PM's New
Year speech plays in the background. So there the PM is talking about
all the development and the progress the country has made and there's
the video of all the poor people getting shafted in the name of
it. There's irony and feeling sad for the settlers, but there's also
the feeling of activism because obviously the normal papers didn't
carry it (malaysiakini covered it though), so it gives even more of the
"government is perpetually bad and oppressive" aura
that....malaysiakini tends to give off anyway.
problem with the video is that in 3 minutes, all you really see is a
bulldozer and a crane demolishing houses. There's no background info of
the village, or why is it being done, who are these settlers, are they
settlers or squatters, nothing, nada, zip, zero. I had to google it and
watch the [video coverage malaysiakini had]
to fully grasp the situation. Now think about how youth today can't be
arsed to read the newspaper - what makes you think they'll look further
into the movie and think beyond "government baaaad"?
After that there was a Q&A session with the directors, KM asked Chi
Too for his opinion on the LRT movie and the guy just went O____O all
the while, and I suddenly thought, "Hey, I want to hear Swifty
blather," so I asked a question....and unsurprisingly, [Eliar taped his answer (you get a brief shot of me desu!)].
Seeing him aim the camcorder at himself briefly after the question was
hilarious. That, and he spoke more than all the other directors
combined, so everyone was just giggling. XD
Then it was already 10.30 and I didn't want to walk back to PJ, so off I ran to the LRT, the end.
So...how was it?
Well...it's indie filmmaking, Oscars this ain't.
was pretty good, and for a brief moment I entered an artsy
socially-aware world that I'd never been to, and with good reason -
Since KM and
I reached early, we met the...organiser?....of the event when she
was testing equipment. and we had a brief chat. It went something like
Her: Do you make films too? Me: No, I write. Her: Where do you write for? [some magazine name]? Me: ...not really... Her: Oh, you freelance? Me: ...Not quite.... .__.;;
isn't the usual "Oh, you write? What do you write?" for the sake of
making conversation, this is a world where the assumption is you've
done something good with what you enjoy most and that you're
automatically good at it, and that's what scares me.
But otherwise, it was interesting all around. Next artsy event I attend, I'm SO wearing a beret.
Listening to: I Don't Feel Like Dancing - Scissor Sisters
After finding out I'd only watched a grand total of 4 movies last year, something had to be done.
MOVIE DESECRATION HOUR: DEATH NOTE & DEATH NOTE: THE LAST NAME
upon a time a Mr. and Mrs. Yagami had a son. They decided to be trendy
and gave their kid an english name...as english as you can
get with the Japanese, that is.
And so Yagami Light was born, and all was good.
Seriously, Light? The hell? L sounds much less dorky after that.
(or Raito because it just sounds so much better) grew up to be a smart,
attractive young man, with wonderful heroic ideals befitting the son of
a policeman. He went to law school, got a girlfriend, and lived the
life of a very smart college boy who doesn't seem to get enough
homework despite being a law student. Any law students want to confirm
this? Do you people really have this much free time, or is it just a
gap in between actual slogging?
Then one day he got a funky notebook, and it all went to hell.
At least he wasn't named Fish or Ice - he'd be a LOT more bitter.
Raito went about executing his self-righteous ideology by using the
notebook to kill criminals left and right. Of course people like
criminals dying since the law doesn't punish people properly, so they
put up websites worshipping Raito. However since they don't know
who he really is, they put their wonderful engRish to good use and
dub him KIRA (as in Killer, but sounds cooler) and dedicate
shrines and SMSes to him. However, Grand Theft Auto has taught us
that one-man vigilantism no matter how helpful is never the
way to go, so the police start trying to arrest Kira.
Raito/Kira starts kills off the meddling police officers, and he lives
happily ever after with his pet shinigami/attention whore Reuk,
munching on apples and making the world a better place for all.
L, a brilliant young detective with a penchant for sweets and curling
up on chairs (completely nutso, like every other anime detective) but
just SO adorable eeee *pinchpinch*. X3
it becomes a cat-and-mouse game of nutso vs nutso, both with different
ethics and stands on human life and criminal justification with a
dash of philosophy thrown in...Or it's a movie where two pretty
guys talk their heads off for a total of four hours while writing
ominously in a notebook, your call. There are other things like a
Japanese idol named Misa with a reverse crush on Raito (usually
it's the guy crushing on the idol, not the other way), and a subplot
involving a TV station worker who uses the book for her ambitious ends
(but gets comeuppance, sadly - I was really rooting for her, facial
resemblance to Kemu notwithstanding), but it always returns
to Raito and L sitting around and staring at each other with
thinly-barbed comments for the fangirls to squeal at.
people will argue that there really is some tense action with an
alternate ending that totally makes up for the manga's ending, one
can't avoid the fact that the source material is pages and
pages of speech balloons flooding a page. This is a talkie with summer
movie CG effects, and you know it.
So...how is it?
It...is not for everyone.
movie caters to quite a lot of people - J-movie fans will go for the
sake of watching a J-movie, manga fans will go because they're suckers
for anything related to their fandom, lovers of
pretty people will go because L and Misa are just SO
CUTE, and effects afficionados will go because Reuk and Rem are well
However, the casual
viewers will go in and look at their watch waiting for the talking
heads to end (you gotta give the actors credit for memorizing SO MUCH
though), but it never does. Just when you think they're going to give
us a break, they start talking again. No wonder they split the movie
into two parts, can you imagine sitting for 4 hours listening to L and
Raito debating the finer points of evading detection and suspicion?
Death Note is not Lord of The Rings - just because LotR
revolutionized the longass movie genre doesn't mean everyone is willing
to numb their asses in the cinema for YOUR movie, bishies and good
acting or no.
So as much as I'd
like to see L again (EEEE), I'll just wait for the DVD where at least I
can skip everything else and look at him all. The. Time.
In which a culinary craving disappears, and I'm SO not loving it.
Listening to: I Don't Feel Like Dancing - Scissor Sisters
When I was a 14-year-old DMling who had yet to swear an oath to a non-beef religion, McD's released a beef burger that dripped with messy gooey but oh so PEPPERY black pepper sauce that just made me go pikapika and shiny, sparking my first romance with a particular food.
Now the problem with this burger is that....there is no chicken. Or at least, it never lasts long enough for me to satiate my appetite, short of eating it 3 meals a day, every day. For people like me who are bound to religion to NOT EAT BEEF, this is obviously a problem.
1. The chicken prosperity burger not only comes out a good 2 weeks after the beef, the local McD's no longer carries it....a good week before Chinese New Year.
2. In its place, they promote the [Prosperity Beef Foldover], attempting to hike the unpopularity of the Beef Foldover with the allure of the black pepper sauce of win.
3. To add insult to injury, the touted Red Bean sundaes (my mum, not me) get sold out within the span of two weeks. Seriously, what's the point of plastering the stupid ad and writing "sold out" in tiny print two weeks later?
When the guy at the counter told me this, my first mental reaction was:
WHAT ASSHATTED DUMBFUCKERY IS THIS?
Here's a burger designed to celebrate the Chinese New Year, a celebration that is celebrated by THE CHINESE who don't happen to be Christian (because believe it or not there are Chinese Christians who refuse to celebrate CNY because it clashes with Christian beliefs don't you give me that "you're a liar" because I'll just jam your blinded self-righteousness right up your ass where it belongs), and chances are if they're Buddhist or pray to Kuan Yin/The Goddess of Mercy, there's a very good chance they're not allowed to eat beef.
So WHY is the cow burger given the extra attention?
With this they not only alienate the people who are supposed to eat the burger, but the entire Hindu population, and everyone who just plain don't eat beef. How do they tackle this? Throw beef prosperity foldover advertisements onto TV, have people wondering [why would a chicken prosperity burger exist] (which is different from [saying the burger sucks], that's a valid albeit tasteless opinion), all for the purpose of taunting the people who don't happen to follow a cow-mauling religion (or lack of) or assuming that if you can't eat it, there's no point in trying to make you like it.
If this doesn't mark a sort of cultural ignorance in McD's marketing department (or just Malaysians), I don't know what else could it be.
Forget the talk of racial unity in universities and whatnot - start with making the chicken prosperity burger available for just as long as the beef version so that everyone can enjoy it. Heck, let's cater to the vegetarians and come out with a tofu version, or just bottle the damn sauce and sell it because that's the only good part, really.
If you can't even be aware of different religions in a country that boasts of a "cultural melting pot", you can damn well forget about whatever unity goal the country has for its 50th independence.
Now give me a chicken prosperity foldover already so that I can give your exploitative megacorp MONEY, asshats!!! >__<